I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I can't turn off my feet"
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
