It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
