The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
