I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Randomize