My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
