listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize