I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
