I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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