Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
as a side note pls kill me
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
