I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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