He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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