I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
