everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
