Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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