jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
