she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
