my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I'm passing your future prison.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Randomize
