there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
