I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
i just made my gag reflex go away.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
