Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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