I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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