There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
