then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
party gras won. party gras always wins.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Randomize
