Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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