I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
