I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
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