Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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