There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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