I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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