Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
