Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
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