We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
