The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
