Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
