I want to stick my p in your. b.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
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