Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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