recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
