your parents love me but you hate me
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
