we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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