Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Come share oat with me in your robe
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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