absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
