I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Sorry my hands just texted you
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Randomize
