He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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