Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
i believe in u and ur pee
Randomize
