i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
