There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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