I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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