there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
