jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
