Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
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I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
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winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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