i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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