I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
