vagina is talking i cant
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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