there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
