This dress was meant to end up on your floor
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
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