Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
