I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
How external is "for external use only"?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
