She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
