I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
she smelled like a LAN party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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