He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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