im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
