did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
