addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
