wake up i wanna do it froggy style
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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