you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
