so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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