It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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