It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Randomize
