i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Randomize
