I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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